Insecurity isn’t attractive.
Her voice trembled with nervousness, as she admitted this was her first date after the divorce – raw, young, vulnerable, and scared to open her gaping wound. It all showed in her tone.
He was quiet. My first thought: he’s a good listener. “Check” in the positive column. I felt warm and fuzzy inside.
She rattled on about loving literature and art, trying to reveal little bits of her true spirit. I liked her. My kind of girl. Finally, her nervous chattering paused.
Oh. My. God. The grammar of a 6-year-old. I heard a grave disappointment in her voice. The first red flag. My heart sank for her. This was not the man to read by a fire with.
Her tone shifted. Cold. Turned off. But she was determined to keep trying.
I rose to get coffee. Okay, I admit, I wanted to see their faces. She wore glasses, hair up, and a bit nerdy but in a very attractive way. He had massive, bulging muscles and a perfectly shaved crew cut and large, clumsy hands. Such an odd couple.
His eye contact wasn’t engaged. As she spoke, he looked around the room, and even caught my eye and smiled at me. I quickly averted my attention, but she saw. I could feel her glare.
Embarrassed, though I’m not sure if it was for me or for her, I went to the ladies room. When I returned, she was giggling like a schoolgirl, forgetting the red flags. I wonder how he saved himself.
She anxiously shared she had a date to go dancing with her girlfriends that weekend – a first for her since the big D. I knew she was fishing for him to ask where.
Instead, he said he hated dancing. Again, a sigh of disappointment, but instead of accepting what he said as the truth, she pushed him, asking if he’d dance with her. He said no. She pushed the subject again, “Not even with me?” Again, he declined and said he’d be happy to sit at the bar while she danced. Red flag number… I lost track, and he lost her.
But then he pulled out the ultimate weapon – his iPad. She giggled and asked to touch it. Another red flag dismissed. Apparently, iPads have magical dating powers. Hear that boys?
Now I’m the one sighing. Time for lunch.
I came back to my seat, started eating my salad and almost gagged when he asked if she liked to get spanked. This time I could hear her blush, even though she was behind me.
I know I haven’t been on a first date in years, but if spanking is on the menu on date one, I’m locking my daughter in her room until she’s 30. DANGER, DANGER, Will Robinson! MAJOR red flag! Not that there’s anything wrong with a little playful spank, mind you, but still. On date one? Sorry, no judgment here. Just a voyeur.
I braced myself for the sound of a slap, or a confident “get lost,” before she gathered her belongings and left. Instead, she coyly declared she had nothing to do the rest of the day, and couldn’t imagine how she’d occupy her time. I’m thinking she’d like to spend it over his knee.
As a hot-blooded, 20-something man, I expected him to grab her hand and race out the door to the nearest paddle market, but instead, he almost instantly declined, saying he had to go lift weights.
Really? HAD to lift weights? This girl was ready to throw herself over his spanking-fetish knee, but he’d rather pump iron?
Within five minutes, he left. But as he did, he coldly said, “You really should think more of yourself.”
I watched her sit alone in her car and cry. She wiped her tears, put on lipstick and drove off.
I felt her pain. Years ago, I was that girl. Eager to please, ignoring all the signs, trying desperately to morph myself into what people wanted me to be, instead of accepting that who I was, was indeed good enough.
Take note, young ladies. Believe in yourself. Don’t compromise. Notice the red flags. Don’t push them under the rug. You deserve the best.
While it seems cold, what that young man said was the best advice she could ever have gotten. I hope she heard it.
Don’t ever settle. That’s not attractive either.